Police today were bewildered and confused at the desecration of one of Britain's most loved and admired monuments, in a random act of mutilation the Cerne Abbas Giant’s penis was stolen (that’s easy for you to say) it was later recovered by mounted police from the rooftop of a Berkshire mansion in one of the hardest operations they have handled to date.

No Idea

We’ve got no idea as to how this happened said Chief Inspector Herman Gelmet of the Phallus Squad, they must have used a chainsaw and a trailer, the villagers are saying nothing and we haven’t got anything to go with either. Police are dusting the knob from the gate for fingerprints. Must have been an Ifor Williams trailer, they are the only brand that could handle such a monster.


Police were later tipped off by a chap who wanted to remain anonymous, their investigations led them to the Berkshire Mansion where sniffer dogs were used to locate the missing phallus.

Gable End

Police scaled the gable end of the enormous mansion with the aid of the local fire brigade, the phallus was yanked through the bedroom and shoved out the front passage and then slipped into a container, shipping company Norbert Dentressangle were more than happy to return the old chap to his proper home.

Scoop Denzleknobgag


#1 St. Huge le Vast 11-04-2009 13:27
Yeah well, use it or lose it, says I.
#2 mrplanet 11-04-2009 15:19
And there was me thinking it would be found in Downing street!
#3 billyok 14-04-2009 13:29
The loss of the willy is probably the result of an advertising campaign on myshoes62.blogspot.com . Johnbook, the owner of this travel-shoe-shop praised the Cerne Abbas Giant to his German fellows and they nipped down there to cure Germany's biggest problem. They die out as there aren't any babies born. Guess one of them has taken the willy off the giant and brought him back to Neuschwanstein.
#4 Dorsetman 23-04-2009 23:51
Sounds like a cock and bull story, but the photos looked authentic.
#5 The Bat 25-04-2009 21:19
It's a clear case of handling swollen goods.
#6 Editor 01-05-2009 11:40
Mr Bat - Long time no see, have you been polishing your barrel?

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