23 January 2007
Millions of Cockernee Londoners are expected to hit Dorsets World Heritage Coastline beaches in a mad dash for the materialistic junk feeding their lifestyles, yuppie essentials such as BMW engine spares, anti wrinkle face cream, disposable nappies, Tag Whore watches, Mikkimugs, Versace sunglasses and various other essentials are being spat out by the Sea, who doesn't need any of that rubbish.
Our ace raving reporter Scoop Doggy Style asked the sea how it felt. " Well to be quite honest I can do without the publicity and the junk, I am trying my best to gob it out onto the beach in order that the council can whinge about the cost of the clear up."
We visited the beach in the wee small hours of the morning to interview a few scavengers, when asked what they were doing the scavengers exclaimed "P*** off, we have to get this stuff on Ebay before the end of the 10p listing day"
Massive CONSPIRACY !!
It strikes me as another global conspiracy, lets look at the facts....
Fact1 Really bad weather kicks up a storm
Fact 2 Container ship Napoliania sails straight into storm
Fact 3 Crew (who all have Ebay accounts) evacuate
Fact 4 Ship is towed CLOSER to the coast
Fact 5 Containers accidently fall into the sea
Fact 6 Contents are spewed onto the beach at Branscombe and all points west
Fact 7 Dorset has more Ebay account holders than any other County in Great England
Fact 8 10p listing day announced on Ebay
Fact 9 I rest my case (the Versace one I just picked up from the beach)
I encountered some community police support officers on the beach who also told me to clear off, the high viz jackets had made in China labels attached to them, I was convinced they were not real Policemen...
If you are looking for a bargain visit www.ebay.co.uk which is much better than the classified section on this website.