Bucky Doo

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There was a young man from Eype
Who was once caught shagging a sheep

If he'd spent more time counting them
Instead of mounting them

He might've got more sleep

Keither Rowsell

The proposed Olympic monorail that is scheduled to come into service by 2012 serving stations from Bridport to Portland along the Chesil Bank has been allowed to broaden their remit to include shuttle monorails from Asker Meadows car park to the centre of town and further on to the Symondsbury Park 'n' Slide system.

Smoke and ash continues to spew forth from the Comers Hill eruption causing widespread disruption to holidaymakers travelling through Chideock and the Marshwood Vale. Three vehicles queued for 8 minutes as visibility on the A35 trunk road was reduced by clouds of acrid volcanic chunder.

A Bridport woman was fined today for disposing of a live cat in the WRONG wheelie bin, the woman apparently placed the cat in the non food recycle black bin provided by West Dorset District Council.

Councillor Dervla McSingh highlighted the fact that any live animal should be recycled using the purple bin with the picture of a Ginsters pasty on the front and not the black bin in this case.

Bridport Town Council have taken up a sponsorship deal from industry giant Coca Cola as part of the renovation of the Town Hall, Coca Cola are putting forward £170,000 to install a new digital display to replace the existing old fashioned clock face. A council spokesperson said “it will also tell the date and ambient temperature and will sound the hours as before"

Handy for commuters using the new Olympic Monorail

Due to a recent spate of Cornish pasties masquerading as Dorset pasties in shops, cafés and restaurants in Bridport and the surrounds, Local Trading Standards Officers have raided several outlets and issued warnings to those vending the filthy imposters. Although the counterfeit pasties are extremely difficult to spot with a crimped crust and an egg glaze, the taste is the giveaway. Local Trading Standards Occifer said: “There is only one place to buy a real Dorset Pasty and that is Leakers on East Street, no further comment, no pictures, goodbye.”

There seems to be considerable public resistance to the proposed Olympic Monorail even to the extent that people would rather see the filthy old diesel locomotives ploughing through the countryside reinstated. which seems ridiculous as the old town monorail that ran from 1876 to 1927 was a model of engineering efficiency, apart from the the unfortunate incident of 1906 when the propeller of the 8.50 Railplane from Burton Bradstock got caught in the Carnival Bunting.

Ed was feeling a bit low before he found this...

THE PLIGHT of the villages of West Dorset is fast becoming dire. The shops, Post Offices and pubs are closing like the rat traps in Hamelin before the arrival of the Pied Piper. Yet that is only the tip of a very worrying iceberg.

As well as these important ingredients of rural life an historical tradition that dates back to the centuries before any of these other facilities were even imagined is also being lost. I write, of course, of the lamentable dearth of idiots in our villages.

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