Bucky Doo

All the news we make up as we go along! What Speakers Corner is to London - Bucky Doo Square is to Bridport Radio.

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Yes, it’s me again, back for another vicious grumble after a prolonged silence, a silence sadly not attributable to the sudden rightness of everything in our delightful town but due entirely to the feebleness of the puny string of internet cable/cotton that connects these far-flung parts to the outside world: it broke. Or something. I hear things work better in Sodom. It’s warmer, too, and easier to fix.

So anyway … what’s wrong now?

PriusOwners of Toyota Prius cars have been accused of wrecking the planet by environmentalist groups. The car recently recalled in a worldwide safety campaign by Toyota has wrecked the carbon footprint of pious Prius owners due to the FACT that the cars have had to be collected by diesel guzzling recovery vehicles spewing out nearly 40 tonnes of CO2 per collection.

The open market price of scrap iron goes through the roof as River Cottage expands into new markets. Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall has expanded the River Cottage Brand by competing in the open market for scrap metal, once it was buffalo mozzarella on placenta now it's an Electrolux Wellington followed by Smeg Souffle.

12th January 2010 Blessing of the Seas ceremony in Thanet: Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams; Archbishop Gregorios; and Roger Gale MP.

The nation is once again gripped by the threat of swine flu, and the cause? The Harmless Christmas card. Medical staff throughout The England and the other areas, especially Bridport, have issued urgent warnings on the risk of the spread of H1N1 swine flu virus from saliva on good old fashioned Christmas Cards and stamps, it is estimated that 400 million cards will be sent over the holiday period, 97.6% of those cards will have the old fashioned gummed envelopes, we all know you need a double lick for the gummed bit and another for the stamp.

Below is a letter received by Devon & Cornwall Police and forwarded to Bridport Radio.

A lost letter to the Harbour Master of Bridehaven (now known as West Bay) has recently been found in the turnup of Postman Tony Simpsons shorts where it has languished for the past 8 years. People may remember the Harbour Master as Nick Berry who went on to a rather appalling musical career. The contents of the letter are from Wilf Turnbull, who offers some sound advice to the crooning copper.

And what’s wrong now, apart from the usual everything? I’ll tell you: pubs, that’s what. Pubs smell. Now they no longer have a fog of cigarette smoke drifting about they smell of everything else that happens in them … so beer, the farts that inevitably follow the consumption of beer, food, bins, customers. Not all customers smell, of course, or indeed fart but without the fags to coat everyone in a uniform smokiness our individual odour has prevailed, plus the beer, bins etc.

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