Bucky Doo

All the news we make up as we go along! What Speakers Corner is to London - Bucky Doo Square is to Bridport Radio.

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And what’s wrong now, apart from the usual everything? I’ll tell you: pubs, that’s what. Pubs smell. Now they no longer have a fog of cigarette smoke drifting about they smell of everything else that happens in them … so beer, the farts that inevitably follow the consumption of beer, food, bins, customers. Not all customers smell, of course, or indeed fart but without the fags to coat everyone in a uniform smokiness our individual odour has prevailed, plus the beer, bins etc.

There’s a problem with drugs, not just the usual problems but a whole new world of complications. You may have noted that some government advisory bloke was let go this week for trying to tell our worthless elected members that riding a horse is more dangerous than taking ecstasy.

Yeah. It's me again. So what's wrong now? I'll tell you what, apart from everything: the weather, of course.
I know it's futile to complain about the weather but I'm going to anyway because I found myself thinking, this very cold, very wet and crap morning, if we have another Summer like last year I'm going to buy a one-way ticket for the holiday of a life-time in Switzerland. That kind of holiday. The holiday to end all holidays: check in and check out. 

And what's wrong now? I'll tell you what: old people are dying, that's what. Which they tend to do anyway, eventually, but now they're dying because of our government! It's true! I know this because I was told so by an old yet still very much alive woman I met in a shop. She was trying to buy food, like you do in a food shop, and she was finding it hard to interpret the sell-by date because it was written in an obscure location in miniscule print and she couldn't tell, she said, once she'd found it, what the *@$*± it said. Those weren't her actual words but it was what she meant.

And what's wrong this week?
I'll tell you what ... apart from everything: the shock horror MP expenses swindle shock scandal is still running on and on and on with more totally unsurprising revelations being revealed every two and a half minutes. I say, who cares? I also say, could this be a smoke screen to cover some real news that the weepingly contrite government etc. doesn't want us to know about? And if so, what could it be? I also say, I hate rhetorical questions but don't you think they're just a little bit necessary? Sometimes?

Hands up if you're bored stiff with the latest shocking revelations over MPs expenses. The only really surprising thing about it is that anyone is actually surprised. And no media types can seriously claim to be outraged and appalled: they've all known for ever what our democratically (ha ha) elected representatives are up to... heads in the trough, lads... and are happily cashing in themselves with weeks of totally predictable claptrap that they don't even have to get out of bed to write because they've all known all about it for ever. Allegedly. I say, sack the bloody lot of them and elect... um...

Queen of the Jungle Esther Rantzen the famous lady from TV’s That’s Life is looking for a constituency to stand as an Independent Party Candidate campaigning for reforms in M.P.’s expenses. The recent embarrassing scandal to encompass the UK political scene has prompted the veteran TV sleb to jump on her high horse and get something done about the mess.

Police today were bewildered and confused at the desecration of one of Britain's most loved and admired monuments, in a random act of mutilation the Cerne Abbas Giant’s penis was stolen (that’s easy for you to say) it was later recovered by mounted police from the rooftop of a Berkshire mansion in one of the hardest operations they have handled to date.

A man is found by a dog walker in a crop field, he has obviously been run over by a tractor as he is squashed across the middle and you can see the imprint of the the tractor tyre marks in what is left of his torso. There is an empty bottle of scrumpy lying by his side.
Pretty cut and shut case you might think...

In the spirit of our latest success at the oscars we at Bridport Radio are never far behind when it comes to capitalizing on a breaking story and to that end we give you Mumbai Joke Of The Day, although some of the jokes will not split you sides, we think that our Indian friends show an innocence in their humor which is rarely found in todays media jungle.


Scoop Mumbai Style.

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