A back-from-the-dead canoe has handed itself in to officers at Bridport nick. The Canoe arrived at 4.30PM and claimed loss of memory, it apparently had no idea how it got there, who it was or what it was.
The police were initially baffled by this event until a keen as mustard young officer noticed an insurance policy and a one way ticket to The Panama Canal under it’s waterproof valance
In a bizarre twist a 65 year old female Coracle arrived at the nick and immediately recognized the canoe as her long lost partner and was dazed and bemused at it’s appearance after being lost for five years.
“The last time I saw this canoe was when it was cruising out of West Bay, struggling with the tide, I’ve already been paid out by the Insurance, and I don’t have the room for it, I might stick it on eBay” Said the round boat.
As usual, the kind hearted people of Bridport on hearing the news sent food parcels and good luck letters to the 9ft Kevlar composite watercraft and several people have offered it a home. Police are still looking for a paddle.
Too much cheese.
Scoop Doggy-Style.
When did we get taken over by Americans? I believe that we have a town centre but not a center.Is a shopping mall imminent? I see no problem to people, with or without bodily parts missing, using the town centre.Maybe a prosthetic chin, similar to the one worn by the Kenny everett Marcel wave charactor,could be developed.
Mystery canoe is Mike Iyak.
Where else can you walk into a shop that is closing up and say to the owner “”””can I just have…”””” and the owner say “”””tills shut for the night BUT here take it and pay me tomorrow mate””””…;-)
I have been unable to log in under my real name – Real World – so I have come back at Real World 2. Been a while since I visited , but nothing seems to have changed. You people are still complaining about everything (HFW/tourists/progress/modern day living/people getting on in life etc etc). I have sold my home in Bridport – yes, for a tidy profit. And just to make you smile even more, the buyer was another second home owner. I am in the process of buying my new second home in Swanage. They seem much more open to newcomers there, and appreciate new people coming in and helping the local economy. Something you Bridport people could learn. So there we are, Have a Happy Christmas ( you won’t though – you’ll spend the time enviously looking at second home owners!) If you’re ever in Swanage – don’t hang around – get back to introspective Bridport asap. Merry Xmas. Real World
Bye, Real World. Have missed you over the past few months, putting the six-toed in-breds to rights. All the best, from a second-home owner.
Swanage! How lovely. How nice. How dull. I really must apologise Real World, I had no idea you were so close to the grave. Are you terminally ill? Are you creating your posts in a urine-scented/off-pot pouri/over-heated bungalow? Well, don’t forget to collect your free man-nappy from the nurse on your way to your new house in the heart of Came-Here-To-Die-Ville. I am sure that your replacement in Bridport may have mastered common-manners and will avoid defecating across his/her own doorstep in such an insipid way. You may be interested to know that I’m in the market for a crash pad in South Lambeth, do you know the area?
In the Real World you are not, once you’ve settled into Swanage life you will soon find out the town is full of half dead complainers….camper vans staying overnight on the sea front, dogs on the beach, drunks in the seafront garden…cold air from the east…too many charity shops etc etc. sounds familiar? You’ll love it, I hope the sheltered housing works out for you. PS can we start up a collection to buy Real World a Canoe?
For those of you who don’t know "RealWorld" joined Bridport Radio during the Notting Hill-on-Sea debacle and proceeded to infuriate most of the members with his "you should be grateful to incomers – without us you’d still be crunching carrots back in the stone age and if you got off your lazy arses you’d be able to afford a house down here and in South Lambeth" attitude. I banned him after his lies here.
He never got the point that we welcome new people who are polite and become a part of the community, he ostracised himself through his own bad attitude.
Jonathan Ross has a home in Swanage. I like him.
…. it’s also because they are trying to fill in beaurocratic paperwork over and over again and hit targets……
PS what ever happened to The Bat? Canoe – sea – South American country etc? oh and what’s with the disapearing articles of recent (letter to the Ed etc)
Jonathan Ross & I are bad people according to the ‘Brains of Bripdort’. Why? Because we’re both successful and can afford to buy a second home. You people are dinosaurs – living in the past. Grow up and get real. Just wait for the next wave of 4x4s to arrive. Long live Notting Hill On Sea.
Tks TMWTB for that; saves me lookin it up… 1975 was the date of Mikkimugs foundation. Bridport’s a great place cos one can go & get shafted as a badger in th amazin pubs and no one bats an eyelid…. plus it’s a great place cos that old tart Tuzo don’t live here…. we all know she’s locked up in th Verne.. Mug please….
Well Said! Draino Right I’m off.. that’s quite enuf faffin about on here…
Bridport…Bucky Doo, Snooks, Saturday Markets, Palmers, Electric Palace, West Bay Kiosks, The Mayor, South Street, Groves, Colmers Hill, The Wip Wop, Fruits of the Earth, Farmers’ Market, The Bull, Bridport Radio,…and it’s by the sea! & 1975!
Real World. What you are failing to understand in your overinflated ego-psychosis is that none of us could care one tiny iota how many houses, Range-Rovers or boob-jobs for your wife you can afford. Living in Bridport, being a part of this community, beaching it all summer, drinking through the winter, walking with our sons and daughters through the beautiful countryside and enjoying our families, friends and colleagues, and knowing how damned lucky we are; we are far RICHER than you will ever be…We are absolutely dripping in wealth. A wealth of LIFE. Something, Realworld that you are too fake, too shallow, and too childish to realise. And the very fact that you can’t see that, gives me a very warm and comforting feeling. Goodbye Realworld, and the offer is still there for a pint.
Ed.. Why oh why do you have th (it must be said) anoyin habit of placing messages in th wrong order..? Looks like Draino’s havin a go at me.. Real World you really shouldn’t rise to the bait…..& You haven’t moved to Swanage….I’m always bumpin into you in Bucky Doo on a Sat… Mug Pls…. MCF the comments are published in the order they are recieved – that’s the way ’tis (so people if you are commenting on someones comment mention their name and comment number) – Ed
tuzo, you really should stay off the Baileys; I know it’s Christmas but it don’t make you any more plausible you big tartlet.
11. RW2 “””” You people are still complaining about everything (HFW/tourists/progress/modern day living/people getting on in life etc etc). “””” RW2 It ain’t complaining so much as poking fun – delighted you couldn’t bear to leave us. It’s much funnier with you around. Carlito 15, hits it bang on form me. I presume the purpose of personal wealth accumulation is to bring happiness. With a little perspective you can shortcut to the happiness without the lifetime of striving. Poor Real World he thinks it’s a race and, funnier still, he seems to think he’s winning! Ever seen a self-made man with nice kids? Swanage – ha ha ha. You deserve each other. Did they tell you about the radiation from Winfrith yet?