Due to the nature of the quality of driving, in England particularly, among certain groups of fan-based individuals, The Department for Transport has devised a new scheme, as part of the highway code, to allow "above average" drivers to identify the poorer drivers amongst us. For this reason, as from June 9th, 2006, which is a relevant date for certain individuals, those drivers found or seen to be driving badly, to include:
- Overtaking in dangerous places.
- Tail-gating at a distance less than six inches.
- Stopping suddenly, for no apparent reason.
- Pulling out into traffic from a parked position with no indication of intent.
- Performing ‘U’ turns, illegally, in two-way traffic.
- Straddling the centre line of two-lane, bi-directional highways.
- Driving at speeds less than 50 m.p.h. in 30 m.p.h. areas.
These drivers will be issued with flags, white with a red cross (similar to that of St. George) signifying their inability to drive in a correct manner. These flags will be issued with correct brackets to enable these drivers to afix the flag to either side of the car so as to be visible to all other drivers. These flags will be flown at eye level so as to enable pedestrians the opportunity to leap out the vehicle’s path when spotted.
Those drivers who have shown particularly poor driving skills will be issued with two flags. One for either side of the vehicle. This will indicate to other road users and pedestrians their greater lack of skill and general lower intellingence mindset toward the general public.
Please forward this information to as many drivers/motorists/pedestrians as possible so that they may be aware of the meaning of these afore mentioned flags.
Department For Transport Directive.
Ref: IYGT-YCTITUW/01/06.06.06.
RE: DODGY DRIVERS
I reckon that the Magic Tree (TM) company infuses a tranquiliser with each scent. This could explain why a perfectly reasonable individual will turn into a complete moron when they’re behind the wheel. As mayor I hereby announce the addition of a Driving Morals section in the Highway Code, and that I declare the 100 yard strip of land between the “”””Welcome to Dorset”””” and “”””Welcome to Devon”””” signs on the A35 as Waldorfshire.
RE: GO ORGANIC
This is DISGUSTING! I have never seen such a work of unadulterated exploitation in my life! This kind of filth is degrading, debauched, depraved and many other things starting with “”””de””””. This socially malignant immoral atrocity must end NOW. As mayor of Bridport Radio, I feel it is now a matter of duty to begin a Vegetable offenders register. Sick vegophiles such as Horst should be named, shamed and witch-hunted out of town. Folk of this land! Grab your pitch-forks and flaming torches. It’s time for a good ol’ fashioned Witch Hunt!
RE: DODGY DRIVERS
Due to a series of arson attacks in the town, specifically houses with England flags adoring their windows or on makeshift flag poles, homeowners are being warned by way of a flimsy Mayoral leaflet to keep their overt patriotism to themselves. In one incident, a resident complained that a molotov cocktail being thrown into his living room had rudely interrupted his “”””intimate session”””” with images of the Queen.
RE: STREETS OF SHAME
Cos people would moan about the bin wagon lumbering around making a noise at night, and also it would entail paying a shift allowance to the bin men which would put your council tax up. Far easier to employ one single strategically placed employee at a high point in the town (say…… a bell tower for instance) and have ‘clean up’ the town in a different kind of way.
RE: DODGY DRIVERS
Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman, givin’ all your luv to jus one main.