Many people are confused as to the machinations of corporate economics and yet global corporations can influence how countries are run and who runs them. The vast majority of people when confronted by something they understand tend to look the other way, put there fingers in their ears, duck under the duvet and go laa laa laa laa laa until; the problem goes away. Well now I have devised a complete guide to world economics, using cows as a model, that is so simple that even someone from Chard could understand it. Some may say it is "xenaphobic stereotyping" and others may say "no its a standard pitmans typing" To the some and the others I say "Give me $50 and I love you long time"
Submitted by Duck It's Poo (our socio-economic correspondent)
Economic Models explained with cows
SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….
A WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
Party
BR party? It makes me think of late, crowded cancelled trains! Are tickets selling like hot cakes? Are hot cakes involved at at all? I shall await further news of what delights are planned.
You forgot Narcisism: You have two cows… Actually no you don’t, it’s just one cow in front of a mirror. Nihilism: You don’t have two cows because quite frankly, you couldn’t care less about cows. Fundamentalism: You have two cows but they’re lesbians and refuse to produce milk. New Labourism: You have two cows who can’t agree how much to tax you for their milk, so they invent a stealth tax called the “”””Indicision”””” tax. County Councilism: You have a herd of cows that all produce plenty of milk and are very happy indeed…Accept they are fined if they don’t clear up their own poo and a committee needs to agree on the exact position of their drinking trough. Creationism: You have two cows that were created on the 5th day and one cow created on the 6th. You then tell everyone you can that black is white and white is black. Evangelism: You don’t really have two cows, but you tell as many people as possible how wonderful they are, and how unfulfilled their lives will be without the belief that they really do exist. Pentacostalism: You believe you have two cows and everyone must know about it so you sing about them as loud as possible all the time. Methodism: You believe you have two cows and you’re not that fussed if anyone knows about it or not, but it makes you happy and warm and cosy. Quakerism: You believe you have two cows but no one cow can be more important that the other so to be fair you call them both Doris. Buddhism: You never actually own a cow, but you have one donated to you 3 days before you die and are reincarnated as a yak. Nationalism: You have two cows. Both of which appear to have markings in the shape of Scotland.
It would seem that rosieo6 hasn’t actually got any point to make about the content of the peace protest or even the point of the peace protest but would rather prattle on about fashion and make a personal attack against the protester appearence rather than have any valid opinions of her(his) own. Sounds like a huge dose of penis envy to me. I could say more but I have rush off myself now.
I don’t see what all the sfuss is about. I have just recently had a beautiful full length fur coat tailor made. It is a ting of great beauty and made exclussivly from 6 year old Norweigen Spruce. I am thinking of sending it back though because I think it looks better on the tree.
grumpy old gits
rustic… does anyone belive in pope business? 1.1 billion catholics worldwide might.. 143 million in africa might….and I suspect some G.O.Gs tick both boxes.. you are a special rare sub species. to be preserved for posterity