Somewhere between Exeter and Chard, if you go by a peculiar route, lies the town of Bridport (where we live, remember?) Both these places are easy to avoid. Closer than that there's Dorchester, which is less easy to avoid but you can go round the outside. I don't want to live in any of them. I want to live in Bridport. I love Bridport. It's brilliant. That's why I live here. Anyway, I heard today that there is a plan to pull down the fabulous St Michael's, home of many very good parties and lots of other beneficial activities and rebuild it as an authentic West Country-style art-themed loft-experience empty building. Or something. Er … why?
And more importantly, who? Who thinks this is a good idea, apart from the fools who want to do it and their chums who'll be much richer after but so comprehensively loathed by the rest of us that they shouldn't be in charge of anything, least of all heavy plant machinery of town destruction because they are clearly staggeringly stupid, so stupid they can't grasp the staggeringly obvious fact that the hate levels they will experience if they go ahead with this hideous Poundburyfication of our beloved town are simply not worth the money in the bank and it's the worst idea ever anyway? And that could be the longest rhetorical question ever but I'm very, very cross. Except it's not a rhetorical question because I want answers.
Step up and be named and shamed you idiots.
I stated in a previous rant that I'm not a revolutionary. Well, that's just about to change. It might be time to incite a riot or two in defence of our lovely friends and their wonderful venue.
You've probably known all about this for ever. I can't have been paying attention but I've caught up now. I apologise for my late arrival but I intend to make it up to you.
So what's wrong this time, apart from all that? I'll tell you what. If you want to live in Anywheresville there are plenty of places to choose from so move. I'll help you pack if you promise to never come back. Leave Bridport. Even better: leave Briport alone. We like it just the way it is.
Next time: Ask Arlo. I can offer a reasoned and rational response to any questions you might have, especially on the subject of what to do with unwanted town planners.
A message for a head: the shed story is with the planning department at time of writing. Permission may be refused, of course, but as I'm now a political agitator I might just build it anyway.
Love you, especially if you buy my book Thank you for not smoking
Arlo Flinn
Between Exeter and Chard? On the imaginary map in your head maybe…. And I think Prince Charles would LURVE St.M’s, its his kinda thing. How a good education would have helped the poor child, but the Windsors never got off the ground, intellectually speaking, did they?
I believe that sheds are exempt from planning permission. Astonishing really – given the ludicrous over-regulation that we’ve been spineless enough to allow to seep into this country. Perhaps you could build one and use it as the HQ of Bridport Community Commando – “”they come in the night and put things right””. Bottle of Chianti stands for the Sisterhood of Shed short story. x a
A place where terrace houses are called “”town houses”” and poorly sited buildings are call a “”pleasent juxtaposition””!