CHINLESS WONDERS

Human species turning into chinless wonders.  Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic chinless-super-upper-crust class and a dim-witted-chavvy underclass to emerge. The human race would peak in the year 3029 precisely, he reckons – before a decline due to dependence on technology.

The descendants of the genetic chinless-super-upper-crust class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, chinless, and creative and a far cry from the "underclass" humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures.

Race 'ironed out'

But in the nearer future, probably 2010 humans will evolve into lanky giants between 10ft and 17ft tall, he predicts, negating the need for hanging basket hosepipe extenders and firemans ladders. while life-spans will have extended to 360 years, Dr Curry reckons.

Physical appearance, driven by indicators of health, youth and fertility, will improve, he reckons, while men will exhibit symmetrical facial features, look athletic, and have squarer jaws, deeper voices and bigger penises, no change there then.

Women, on the other hand, will develop lighter, smooth, hairless skin, large clear eyes, massive breasts, be more passive, open to suggestion, compliant, have glossy hair, smaller feet so they can get closer to the sink and even features, he reckons. Racial differences will be ironed out by interbreeding, producing a uniform race of coffee-coloured people, my favourite, ginger will be a crime.

Heres The Science Bit; Receding chins

Social skills, such as communicating and interacting with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect. People would become less able to care for others, or perform in teams. Come on Engerlarnd.

Strictly come Ballroom would disappear from our LCD TV'S. Physically, they would start to appear more juvenile. Chins would recede, as a result of having to chew less. Further into the future, sexual selection – being choosy about one's partner – was likely to create more and more genetic inequality, reckons Dr Curry, bring it on.

The logical outcome would be two sub-species, "gracile" and "robust" humans similar to the Eloi and Morlocks foretold by HG Wells in his 1895 comedy book The Time Machine.

"While science and technology have the potential to create an ideal habitat for humanity over the next millennium, there is a possibility of a monumental genetic hangover over the subsequent millennia due to an over-reliance on technology reducing our natural capacity to resist disease, or our evolved ability to get along with each other, reckoned Dr Curry.

He carried out the report for men's satellite TV channel Men and Motors +1

Plagarised and bastardised by ace reporter Scoop Doogy Style.