It’s official, Bridport is to Install the World’s first Park and Slide scheme to ease traffic congestion, the Slide which will operate during peak periods 9pm–10pm September to April. Running from the top of Colmers hill in the West of town and corkscrewing through Symos and Allington, over the post office, delivering shoppers to the heart of town where shopkeepers are already fighting over the location of the landing pad.
Park and Slide You Say?
T
he slide is based on an idea used at London’s trendy Tatt Modern gallery on the South Bank of the river London, in London. Similar in shape to the DNA helix of most humans, the slide delivers punters from the top floor (impressionist, Mike Yarwood Gallery) to the ground floor (Cubist) gallery in a swift and efficient way. Since the slides use no energy they have a carbon footprint rating of 0 Clarkes.
Delivery double edged whammy.
The slide will enable delivery drivers to drop off their huge loads at the top of Colmers Hill and still get home in time for tea. White van man will no longer plague the residents of Bridport Town.
Colmers design statement.
Colmers Hill has been designated as the start point for the scheme since it is just a hill with some knocked out pine trees on top. The area has been appraised by slide technologists from The Berlin Slide Technology Institution.
It is entirely feasable that they will have to remove the trees to make room for better facilities at the top.
Cost of all this.
The cost estimated at £35million will be quickly recouped by the charging system, as follows.
ADULTS £2
OAPS £10
CHILDREN £35
DELIVERY DRIVERS £10 PER LOAD
ROLLERCOASTER RIDING FREAKS £200
DOGS £1 (EXCEPT GUIDE DOGS £5, WHO SHOULD KNOW BETTER)
Snag is…
Punters will have to walk back to their cars, with all their shopping and stuff.
This is Scoop Doggy Style for Bridport Radio, always first with da good stuff innit.
What a terrific idea, can I go first? Cameras everywhere……
…to get you back to the top -toot sweet- to where you parked yore forebefore terrrraaannno – I will be applying a flaming firebrand to yore ass…
I will wave to all as they fly past my house and invite all my childrens friends over to watch the entertainment.It will be cheaper than having a party.Will it be ok in winter or will there be the danger of chilblains/frostbite in sensitive areas?
to get them back to their cars I suggest we build a Medieval catipult on the top of the Town Hall! Then The Bat could practice clay pigeon style at the same time. Great concept keep it up.
Is it true that the Dorset traffic camera partnership will be installing several gatso style cameras along it’s length? The thinking being that to make up for the £60 sliding with excess speed fine you will get a choice of a keyring or fridge magnet with your picture on it. Pc Nick Ewe…..Devon and Dorset Police(Anti fun section)
Nay !..i say to RollerCoasterFreak ride !. Had tryed out the lower shortest curly tube at the Tate and got my head stuck , they had to plunger me out. The answer to this would be ‘take-off ramps’ at intervals along the distance of tight bends, these in turn could be optional stop offs or re-entry to further the free ride to the next point. One would without dought be able to lean left or right to carry on or exit to a trampoline safely to a destination , this of course would have to be decision final and not in-between when riding head first as I had in the Tate .