In an instant, big cheese retailer Tescos has inveigled its way in sunny Lyme Regis in a move which will anger many a local, I never thought I would feel sorry for the CoOp but I do. In a Panzer like movement done under cover of darkness, they have acquired the Lyme branch of Woolworths. Since they are not building or changing the use of the existing Woolworths which has been in Lyme for over 50 years it means Terry Tesco can just march in and Annexe another Tesco town into his Urban Utopia Uber Plan.
What does it mean for Lyme?
From a personal viewpoint it is going to make Lyme High Street look like anytown UK, I feel sorry for the folks living and working opposite the new value store, when will the others arrive, who knows, one thing is for sure, all the little stores will suffer, in the summer they will stock up on buckets and spades and cheap boogie boards, the meat and two veg of the other retailers down at the Cobb, the little grocery shop with the pot of charity pennies on the counter will go within the week, the more I write the more annoyed I become. I know it’s not Bridport, but we will be next, you mark my poor grammar. (4 out of 10 Ed)
Feeling Sorry for Hugh Fearnley Wittingstool
I know, it seems impossible to believe, I am also feeling sorry for our hairy local TV cook, but how is he going to police the chicken sales of the store in Axminster and the new Metro in Lyme, he’s got his work cut out for him now.
When?
When Woolies has a one day sale and we buy all the rubbish they have recently stocked (Woolies used to be great, they used to test lightbulbs for you!) the Tesco Shopfitting Black Berets will descend upon the town and in a Changing Rooms nanosecond the store will open without fanfare the very next day, how will it look? Like this…
More jobs?
Not really, Woolies policy of employing youngsters for peanuts will be trumped by Tescos policy of self serve checkouts where 1 checkout pit boss oversees the processes of 10 electronic whizz checkout robots, Lyme High Street will be ringing with the dulcet tones of Robot checkout voices spouting “Place the item in the bag or we will shoot you”
More Bags?
Probly
Bastards
Welcome to the new world order, what a crappy place it is going to be.
Another piece of scoop from our roving shopwatch reporter Denzle Tesco McSpencer
Personally I think Lyme having a Teco’s is great. Wot we need is more tacky shops selling tacky holiday tack to holiday makers, which will bring down the prices of holiday tack.
I went to Lyme today and witnessed the Woolies feeding frenzy. The shop closes on Saturday, and the ‘lucky’ locals were taking advantage of a 70% sale on everything. Basically, they were only paying three times the amount the crap is worth. It was like something from the Eastern Bloc circa 1978,
“”They have gone and done it on purpose, not Tescos but them snobby Lyme Regis bunch. What with their pretty town and harour showing up our beloved West Bay for the badly designed, poorly managed, sewage outlet that it is. No Liddl for Lyme as they are frigtened of the lower class scummers rejects that it would attract, No they want a classy tesco with their fancy expensive goods and a company that studiously avoids paying corporation tax on its multi billion pound profits. To my mind these posh lyme types can keep it and their big hills and lovely sea views. As for Farnley Farkwipping Stool, we nedent feel sorry forhim at all as now that he plundered the dignity and pockts of Dorset he has moved on to Devon and Dorset is but a fallen weeping slut left his seedy wake.
Ahhh the wonderful Lyme Regis. An uber-twee hell hole designed for moutain goats and slinkys(tm). The only thing that place is good for is an aquapark. Imagine it! With slides like “”The Cobb Crusader””, “”The Botanical Backwash”” and the “”Devon Border Devils Revenge”” that hurtles down the highstreet, curves at 5 G’s around the Marine Theatre and lands you in that rough estate wedged between the ultra-posh part and the firestation. As for Tescos. I’d say they were life-savers. Looking at the sheer number of tat shops in that town I’d be surprised if residents hadn’t been living of bucket and spade sarnies, naff jewellery pies and fossil fritters. Finally they actually have FOOD. Captalist, exploiting, global theft-style food…. but FOOD AT LEAST!
I live in Lyme and hate to see this happen here .. not that co-op couldn’t use some real competition as they cater more for visitors than residents but Tesco now does home-delivery here so need to elbow in .. I also think part of the blame should be on Woolworths itself .. I overheard one of the staff tell a customer she thought Woolworths would be the last place to close but they “”received an offer they couldn’t refuse”” ~ so in the end it just comes down to greed and all the years Woolworths have enjoyed support of the people of Lyme mean nothing against cold cash.
Look you complacent, Tesco-luvvin’, Lyme-hatin’ Brydianites: it’s all very well having a self-indulgent diatribe, but the first one of you who thinks: “”Bridport? Here we savour to the full the heady cup of freedom from global food giant oppression, we appreciate the fulsome variety of our legion of independent retailers, and a high street Tesco will never happen here””: should be put in front of the next gull cull. Don’t think for a moment that Tesco aren’t watching, watching, watching us with their greedy binoculars. (You don’t think that’s really a cellular mast that’s being put up (in the teeth of local objections) on Ally Hill do you?) At the first hint of a “”profitable retailing opportunity”” they will be IN like a shot, don’t you worry. Quick! Board up the Literary and Scientific Institute! It’s ripe for conversion…
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