Hands up if you're bored stiff with the latest shocking revelations over MPs expenses. The only really surprising thing about it is that anyone is actually surprised. And no media types can seriously claim to be outraged and appalled: they've all known for ever what our democratically (ha ha) elected representatives are up to… heads in the trough, lads… and are happily cashing in themselves with weeks of totally predictable claptrap that they don't even have to get out of bed to write because they've all known all about it for ever. Allegedly. I say, sack the bloody lot of them and elect… um…
And there's the problem. Caligula had the right idea, of course, although some of his policies weren't that popular: put a horse in the Senate. Horses are generally quite nice, they keep their interviews short and even if they do fiddle their expenses, it's only for the odd sack of carrots. And there are lots of them to choose from, especially here in the Wild West.
(Incitatus and Esther have the same teeth – Ed)
Dr. Johnson says boredom is the real killer. Think of your families and watch out this weekend for more special pull-out reports in the already mammoth Saturday and Sunday papers, more in-depth interviews on extended news programmes, more blah blah blah blah blah. They're taking us for a ride, twice over.
So all the more reason then to consider the equestrian route: at least a horse will take you somewhere you actually want to go. With luck.
Be radical… smoke more fags!
And buy a copy of my book Thank you for not smoking
