RIGHT TO A SUITABLE PRESENT BILL 2006
Getting a suitable present for members of your family can be a real nightmare, getting an unsuitable present is usually the outcome, the Government has a new “Right to A Suitable Present” or The RASP bill being pushed through the house of Polomint as I type. Every man, woman and child (except ASBO medal holders, what will get an Holiday) is to be issued with a VAG or Voucher for an Appropriate Gift. You can exchange your VAG at any high street store except WH Smith who say that they have top shelves full of VAG’s and don’t need anymore, thank you.
I remember one Christmas spent at my Brothers house in Watford, my sister arrived with some bad news, she needed a kidney transplant and asked one of us to donate. We all stared at disbelief into our extra deep mince pies, her mince pies filled with tears, my mother passed out the presents and my niece was very pleased to receive the game Operation. Ironic.© (I hereby copyright that last gag, not only is it funny, it is true, if you see it in print let me know and I will sue the b%s^a*ds.)
A spokesperson for Volkswagen Audi Gmbh or VAG as they are known said “We don’t mind Mr Blair using it as long as the voucher can cover gifts like our new Taureg (pronounced twat-vargon)
You can see where the government is going with this one, my uncle who lost a foot in WW2 pulled a cracker and got a nail clipper set, how we laughed! He got up and hobbled out into the snow and was killed by the only bus running that day, he still had his paper hat on, I kept the clippers.
We found this super sniper snowman and immediately thought of our friend The Bat. The technical among us will notice he ain’t gonna’ hit nuthin’ with his coal eye on top of the scope and his carrot nose on the barrel.
Can you think of a suitable presents for members of Bridport Radio? Suggestions on an email please to vag@bridportradio.co.uk a festive Mikki Mug* for the most hapt and horiginal suggestion.
Scoop Doggy Style.
Intrepid reportager.
*Mikki Mugs are included in the VAG scheme as suitable presents. Remember your home is at risk if you do not keep up the payments on a mortgage or other loan secured on it, always read the label, Contents hot, these nuts are produced in a factory that processes nuts and may contain traces of nut.
I am a dsylexic brothel keeper and the hair house is mine so keep your hands to yourself although if everyone did that I would soon be out of business
I nicked someones mobility scooter the other day working on the principle they should hardly be able to give chase and if they can then WHAT ARE THEY DOING ON ONE THE LAZY T###S
Don’t forget Count Straddle De Karsee of Lower Bell Tower. Comes with the right to charge the good towns folk of Bridders a ‘penny per leak’ whatever that was.
Maybe we could hold the entire event in pitch dark with each member being issued with one of those electronic voice changer thingies from Toymaster. It would be just like a surreal episode of Doctor Who. It would also give ugly blokes an even playing field with the lasses.
If you get overbooked Delboy i’ll give you a hand as long as you take the O.A.P.’s, and i’ll take the ladies. Can’t say fairer than that !!
Thanks Ivor for your kind words of support, looks like i’m not the only one with the same point of view, cars are much safer than they were back then, they hold the road alot better and stop extremely well, thats if your reflexes are sharp and you can see past the end of your bonnet !
Agree! They will be pushed out of their flat and have to buy a caravan and squat on land in the SW Quadrant with all the others. Shame the Bat doesn’t have a line of site so far as the church, mind you a painless death would be too good for them!