The Copper investigating the loans for peerages row has uncovered “significant and valuable stuff on them“, reports suggest. Metropolitan police assistant commissioner John Yates has written to MPs saying he expects to pass a file to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) in January.
BLOKE
According to a bloke down the pub, the letter says 900 people have been interviewed (fallen over in the cell) so far. This includes 35 members of the Labour party, 29 Conservatives, four Liberal Democrats, 1 Raving Monster Looney, 5 Christian Liberal Oligarchs and a partridge in a pear tree.
 |
 |
THE LETTER
The letter to the public administration committee, dated November 13th, states that “considerable progress continues to be made” in the inquiry. Police are investigating claims that parties offered wealthy businessmen a seat in the House of Sponsored by Polomint in return for a financial contribution (bleedin’ backhanders), and that this money was made in loans rather than donations to keep them out of the public eyes.
As usual all three main parties deny any wrongdoing and have promised to cooperate fully with the inquiry, which is looking at possible breaches of a 1925 act prohibiting the sale of honours, and a 2000 act requiring the declaration of party donations and boozy nights out, including Beanos’ or Topper but not Whizzer and Chips.
HOW TO SPOT A SIR
SPEEDY CONCLUSION
Speaking to Bridport Radios ace reporter Scoop Doggy Style this afternoon, a member of the public administration committee, Paul Flynn, said the news was “clearly very serious” and expressed his hope that the probe reaches a “speedy conclusion”. (lucky probe)
BELIEVE
“I believe most MPs and members of the House of Lords are shocked by what’s being going on,” he said. “We ain’t, and my readers ain’t” I replied. “The second chamber of secrets has great influence on our legislation and we want to see people there on their qualities, on their merit, whether or not they have read all the Harry Potters and certainly not on the amount of money they have in their wallets or sewn into the curtain linings”
DEPUTY DAWG
When I questioned Deputy Dawg John Prescott he was just up for a punch up and Blair did a great impression of somebody important. He was advised by his advisers to stand with his arms out gibbon style to make him look bigger a’la Clyde of of Anywhichwayyoucan, when I interviewed him he wasn’t all that. We tried calling Sir Clift Richards but he was unavailable for comment since his last encounter with celebrity chef Sir Gordon of Ramsey. Sir Tim Specialfried Rice also did a runner when we approached him, Sir Elton made great music, especially Rocket Man and deserves his Sirship. Sting is a twat.
 |
 |
 |
THE QUEEN
She keeps her Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet and commented “My sword is worn out, never seen so many Sirs, Phillip, Phillip? Can you help slip that sword into my scabbard?
LADY
A lady complained that ladies were not getting enough exposure. Well there you go.
DO YOU KNOW A REAL SIR?
Do you know a real Sir? How much would you pay for a peerage? Have you got any spare cash? What do you think of Sirs? Let us know.
From Bridport Radio roving reporter Sir Scoop Doggy Style.
I visited the Illchester Arms in Abbotsbury. The food was fine,the surroundings really rustic, and the service was great. The sweet young lady who served me was happy and smiling, and even told me how to save money on my Gin ! Trouble is I forget to get her telephone number .. Oh well you win some …
I agree with The Bat; plus the white van that parks at the Town Hall in E. St (butchers I think??) stops left turns into South St, a right pain, causing tail backs to East Rd Roundabout. Its always there during our mini “”””rush hour””””